I am the proud daughter of a NH native old yankee farmer and a German immigrant farmer, dont get any of us started on equal rights.
Growing up, my Mom made sure we had the best that they could provide, in a rich town. We didnt have name brand anything, but we had lots of love. Dad was a self employed landscape designer, who was also the best bud to hang with and climb all over. He taught me how to sweep the floor in the barn and how to nail a board without hitting my fingers. Mom taught me to cook, clean and sew. Hard work is what I do, no matter what the work. My passion for plants and growing my own food came from both of them, my favorite "sweet" snack is still tomatos off the vine.
People used to ask when I was going to put my talents to work for me. My answer was always the same, "what talent?". Just because my walls are lined with my own photographs and paintings and my beds and couches are lined wih handmade blankets, my favorite fleece jacket is the first garment I made when I got my first sewing machine, I dont consider it talent. I consider it life. I cook because I need to nourish myself and want to know what is going into my body. What I do isn't because I spent years in a classroom behind a stack of books. What I know is "real time" experience, I'm a doer, the fancy term I guess is DIY. Well, of course I am. Thats how I learned everything I know. My parents handed me a paintbrush when I still needed a step stool to reach the window sill. As I got older I thought I needed a partner to work on projects like that. Its always how my parents worked, side by side with the help of me and my sister. It wasnt until a coworker and friend encouraged me to engineer a solution to any problem myself and become self sufficent. That was 10 years ago. Where ever he is now, I still thank him everyday.
Last week my current relationship of three years came to a screeching hault. I'm not sure exactly how it all happened, call it lack of good communication and been-there-done that situation. Self respect made the words come out of my mouth. We're done. I immediately told my family and close friends, so that my heart wouldnt let me apologize and go running back. After a few days Mom said she was proud of me. My response was, I learned from the past. I wasnt going to go through the agonizing pain of packing and moving after having said goodbye.
Just 2 years ago, I picked "my town" where I had no past and only the future to look forward to. I got myself a job and after a few months picked up and moved there. For the first time in my life I did something for myself. Something I wanted but also to protect myself. This time when my relationship ended, I just had to hold my head up and put my feet on the floor again the next morning. My girlfriend said I do breakups "well". Ha. Nope, what I do is protect myself from disappointment as best as I can. I cant please everyone I encounter in my life and there are bound to be disappointments but one thing I have learned is to walk away from people who dont appreciate or respect who I am as a human. I consider myself fairly scientific and know all things are made from energy and truly believe in the law of attraction. I created Sistah Sunshine to boost my own positive energy. In 10 years, I have transformed myself. People who meet me now will not under stand what Ive been through to get where I am, mentally and physically. People who knew me then would probably say Im still the same crafty free spirit Ive always been. Only my closest friends and family know the truth and saw the struggle and talked me through the tears and sadness. They say better to have loved and lost then never feel love at all. As much as it hurts, its the truth.
I know what real love is. I have been fortunate to have experienced it my whole life from my family, and did see it in the eyes and hugs of my lost relationship. I am hardly a perfect person, just ask my mom, but I am finally learning how to be perfectly "ME". My intention is to enjoy right now, right here, right where I am. I love my home, friends and job. I plan on spending more time on these so-called talents I have and exploring new ones. I know I am a good person and have come to accept myself just the way I am. I also know I am caring and giving and capable of a loving lasting relationship, as long as I am honest with myself and them. I also know there is someone out there who may have been through a similar set of circumstances, understands what I've been through, respects me and appreciates and encourages who I am. I just haven't found him yet.
